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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Wolf of Wall Street [2013] * * * * *

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I would have preferred more drugs and hookers, but still a great movie.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Barry Lyndon [1975] * * * * *

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Wondering if instead Kubrick had made a movie about my terrific life - ie, three hours of Doritos and video games plus the occasional duel with the debt collection agency thrown in to mix it up a little. He had the chance. Unbeknownst to people outside my family and inappropriate touching of wait staff support group, I sent him the script. I spent ages on that script, like nearly a whole weekend. Never heard back from the phony no-talent wannabe. Made me so mad. Suck my fat one Kubrick you looser.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Death Wish [1974] * * * *

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Miscreant removal done right.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Dirty Harry [1971] * * *

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If there's one thing I hate, it's political correctness. And this movie reeks of it. Mr Dirty Harry takes his sweet time with his suspects, treats them with kid gloves, has to ask them how many shots he's fired, and generally wastes opportunities to clean up the city because he's too busy talking to people about his feelings. There is a star of the movie though and that's his beautiful big gun that he whips out on a regular basis.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Mulholland Drive [2001] * * * * *

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The greatest movy in the historie of filym, and that's no hyperbowl.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Team America: World Police [2004] * * * *

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Matt Damon knocks it out of the park.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Hellraiser [1987] * * * *

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Sometimes, playing with an unfamiliar box is not a good idea.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Happiness [1998] * * * * *

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Thank creator deity I didn't watch this with my mother.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Runaways [2010] * * * * *

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Having picked up a dry cough, I of course hit the cough syrup hard. It's the only way. Long story short, I'm giving this movie 5 stars because it's what I was watching at the time.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Harsh Times [2005] * *

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"Yo yo fuck homies we gonna get fuuuuuuucked up muthafucking biatches!" And that's 90% of it. The other 10% is just worthless gangsta talk.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Batman Begins [2005] * *

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This was terrible. Bad acting, bad camerawork, bad everything really. A genius of the age, Gary Oldman, was drowning in the surrounding mediocrity and turned in a ghastly performance. The story was boring. And where was Batman's young boy companion Robin? Was he trapped in a closet somewhere? Hopefully he'll turn up in the sequel, and if he does he'll surely be craving some Bruce time which will obviously be shown in full detail seeing as this Nolan franchise reboot is all about "gritty realism".


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Dark Knight [2008] * * *

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Batman does some stuff. Joker does some stuff. Robin still trapped in closet.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Dark Knight Rises [2012] *

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Kaka hovno lort sitt. Sranje, szar merde. Paska merda shit shite cac! Mierda.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Revanche [2008] * * * *

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Some wonderful wood chopping technique on display here.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Until Death [2007] * *

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This had so much potential. Wait a sec, no it didn't.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Duck, You Sucker [1971] *

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There I was looking for the 70s (bush era) porno classic "Suck, You Ducker" and I came upon this. Bad move watching it. It's an awful film and so utterly boring. The porno outclasses it in every way, especially musical score.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Weiner [2016] * * * *

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What a douche this guy is. Huma seems like a good girl though. She is quiet, very beautiful, and wears pretty dresses. I hope she attaches herself to a more important political campaign one day, maybe even a presidential one!


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Royal Tenenbaums [2001] * * * * *

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If you only ever watch one Wes Anderson film (and I suggest one will be enough), this is the one.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Garden State [2004] * * *

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As I recall them thru a haze of rosé and Xanax, some random thoughts I had while watching, follow. Reckon Zach wrote this so he could get his tongue down Natalie Portman's throat, plain and simple. Dogs humping humans and stimulating themselves, what's PETA's position on this? Is it wrong to enjoy watching Natalie Portman cry? I really need to play spin the bottle again. Emptiness, yeh we get it. Pretty music applied at emotionally strategic places. Why is Bilbo Baggins in it - genre mixup? An ok movie, I guess.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Grand Budapest Hotel [2014] * * *

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Watching this movie is a bit like being tickled repeatedly - horrible if you don't like being tickled, an annoyance if you don't mind so much, and a joy if you're a sick weirdo.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Frances Ha [2012] * * * *

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Frances, I'm up for a play fight! Just let me know. I'm right here.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps [2010] * *

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Stone is regular, I'll give him that.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Smoke [1995] * *

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Pretentious drivel. I've always wanted to write that (thank you, Smoke).


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Lilya 4-ever [2002] * * * * *

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Rating this was difficult. So I decided to flip a coin. Heads: 3 stars. Tails: 4 stars. Lands on its edge, gets eaten by a dog, spontaneously combusts: 5 stars. Now all I need to do is come up with a way to review it.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Brokeback Mountain [2005] * * * * *

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Now I've been to a gaye party or two in my time, some including cowboys (and I assure you they were most probably straight), but I never quite understood what this movie was all about when it first came out, and feelings of confusion were stirred within me when I finally got to see it. The most mystifying aspect was my intense attraction to Anne Hathaway. Was this normal? Or maybe a perversion? Either way, something was up. On rewatching, one thing I can confirm is that this is a fine film, an exercise in truly masterful storytelling. Oh and yes I'm still in therapy for the Anne Hathaway thing.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Bad Ass [2012] * * *

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If Shakespeare had written Bad Ass, would it have received as much vitriol as it has, I wonder?


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Wall Street [1987] * * *

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Stone makes a pretty good movie about "greed", but he didn't give it away for free - it made an adjusted gross of around $100 million, and, if these figures on the interweb are to be believed, tripled someone's money. Hopefully he picked up a decent bonus. Running time unfortunately is excessive; if he had just removed everything except the famous Michael Douglas speech and a Talking Heads song, this would have been a somewhat short but satisfying masterpiece.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Savages [2012] * *

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Stone effortlessly drops another one.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Memories of Murder [2003] * * * *

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Enthusiastic consumption of what looks like seriously delicious food, random and glorious brawling, a compelling story, some of the best usages of footwear in a movie yet, and much other awesomeness, turn what could have been a regular three star procedural into a highly enjoyable and remarkably deep four star procedural.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Tomboy [2011] * * * *

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The 2015 American remake raised some eyebrows with the casting of Susan Sarandon and Jack Nicholson as the 10 year old girls, and frankly was a piece of crap, but it did make a shit-ton of money - as opposed to this, a stunning film, which made just over fifty bucks.


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jmunky [2017] TV

 

I, Claudius [13 episodes, 1976] * * * * *

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Wonderful viewing for all who believe in family values.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Super Size Me [2004] *

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I wonder what would happen to my health if the only input to my brain was watching this abysmal film all day every day for a month?


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Total Recall [1990] * * *

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Arnie being Arnie kills a bunch of people, and along the way loses his brain, finds it again, I think loses it one more time, maybe gets it back, I'm not really sure, this movie is pretty bad and watching it without losing your own brain is difficult. Makes it to three stars because of the engrossing Arnie vs Sharon Stone divorce court battle.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

The Cotton Club [1984] * *

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What a mess. The dance-offs are cool though.


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jmunky [2017] FILM

 

Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid [1973] * * *

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Pat, forget about Billy. Shoot Bob Dylan instead.


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